Friday, August 7, 2009

Fear Is Just A Four Letter Word

Hello all, my name is Natalia, and I am afraid.

I go through life living in fear. I'm afraid of the future, afraid of my past, afraid of who I am, afraid of failure, and even more bizarre (sigh) afraid of success. I know I can't live like this forever, and I really don't want to, because I am causing myself unnecessary anxiety and misery. In the past couple of years I have tried everything from self help books to counseling, but I haven't made a lot of progress. To be honest, it's mainly because I haven't really tried hard enough to make a change, because . . . well, you guessed it, because I am afraid.

How is blogging going to help me?

I love keeping journals. I write just about everything from poetry to just random quotes I find that make me happy. I have tried keeping journals since I was a kid, but dreading that someone might read them, I always end up ripping pages out or throwing them away completely. I always think that if people were to read what was going through my head, they would think I was dumb, overreacting, or insane. So, I have decided to face THIS fear by blogging. I not only decided to keep a permanent record of my thoughts, fears, and desires, but I decided to do it (EEEK) publicly. It's a small step towards change, and I figured that if I could do this, I could do anything (right?). Yes, I am breaking out in a nervous sweat and hives right now, but I will go through with this, because fear is no longer an option.

Here it goes.